Frozen

Well, I’m now back, from nowhere, only loosing sense of imagination. I feel awkward to start this blog again after a while. Yes I did stop this blog, maybe eight months ago, to prioritize my work. Now slowly, let me start this blog again after the work’s done. Let’s start the imagination from this point, where the thing does begin.

Campanile at SDSU Brookings South Dakota

Recall the moment of the heavy cold snowy day in Brookings, South Dakota; about five years ago, back to the day when I was walking alone from Wecota Hall to the main administrative building. This campanile was on my right, while I crossed the open area under the trees. I still remember the sound of the campanile's bell. That cold day was the second day from my arrival from Jakarta, a warm tropical nice place where I lived prior my arrival in US, as well as my second day in the study program.

Yes, that day was not my first time to see the snow, but that was definitely my first time to walk through six inch of snow. The path is actually clean only blanketed by fresh snow that keep falling from the sky, but my shoes were not appropriate shoes to walk through the snow, nor my coat, to protect my body from cold winter of Midwest. But I don't have any choice.

Open area with trees across Wecota Building Brookings SD

Well, I did sob while walked through that area, remembering my warm house and family, thousand miles away from that bloody cold place. At that point, I even questioned myself about what did I do there? Why was I so stupid to leave everything behind and decided to move in that cold place in the middle of nowhere? And with uncertainty!, well nothing’s sure about the future of my study on that point. I still can feel the pain of that day, even when I already got the degree in hand.

Frozen berries and cable

However, you must believe me, in that cold frozen place, as you may see form frozen pics above, there are many warm hearts to befriend. Out of the cold weather with pile of snow, I never have problem in living in that frozen place.

I think snow is part of my story; a day before my final oral-exam, couple days ago, snow fall through the night till morning. I was terrified if campus will be closed, which mean my exam could be cancelled, and ruin every detail of my plan. Thanks God, it was fine though in the foggy snowy morning I have to carefully drive my car on snowy slippery road with heavy traffic. God may want to test me, as after I successfully passed the exam, the day turns very nice, warm with sunlight. Late that day, I found myself in my car drive home on sunny day, smiling. I passed this campanile, which is on my left, and I didn't even notice if the bell was tolling. I think, I was too much excited about something else.

Campanile at UMd College Park Maryland

Yup, that day I just successfully defended my work to earn the highest degree in academia! And till now, believe me; my mind is still being hypnotized with awkward feeling, which cannot be explained nor described. I don’t know what the feeling is? Could be mixed of exhaustion, excitements, relieved, freedom, be grateful, or any other possible feelings that I event cannot recognize the symptoms.

Believe me; I don’t really crazy about the degree I just earned, as that is an obvious bonus in maintaining my own mind during the process of getting this program done. The moments along the process are more interesting to be tracked-back rather than the degree itself. Yes, of course, I do admit, I am really grateful and thankful to get this degree successfully, but battling me inside is actually more precious than that.  

There are many painful moments along my journey before this point. Some can be ignored, the rest are carved to my mind. Such as a painful moment 2.5 years after the first cold snowy day in South Dakota. It was when I watched the huge truck container full of furniture that belong to my professor about leaving Brookings. I drove my car behind that truck, since from leaving my professor's house until the truck turned right to 6^th street or US 14 E and about entering the Interstate 29 South, 300 meters from road junction where our errand parted.

Interstate 29 in winter

That day my professor’s completely move out from South Dakota to Maryland and I, at that point hopelessly have no courage to follow him right-away, to leave South Dakota, the place where I happily lived for the last couple years. I can feel an empty space somewhere in my heart at that moment. Damn it, can you believe it? I came across the globe to the middle of nowhere because I trust my professor as my mentor, and at that point he left me behind? Damn!! But yes, after successfully get-over my foolishness and gain back my courage, nine months later I move to Maryland to join him. But don't tell me if that's easy, nope, not easy at all.

That was not the end of the painful story, only another beginning of another pain. Recall the night I landed at Reagan national airport from Minnesota; find myself odd in the middle of Washington DC, from middle of nowhere to the capitol of United States. After-all, later that night I found myself alone in my empty room at College Park. From that point, everything I did in South Dakota have to be repeated, including find right friends. My new state is less cold than my previous state; even my first winter in Maryland feels like spring of South Dakota. However, some cold blood people are around. Well, what do you expect? It’s a big city where some people have to live with frozen heart, in order to survive. I do understand and I am good, as I originally come from Jakarta, the city where the people only know about survival.

Cold night from my cold old apartment

It seems, I feel nothing from that point until few weeks ago when I worked very hard to finish my manuscript due final submission, 10 days prior the final exam. It was a very cold night with heavy snow that keeps falling heavily through the night. I don’t sleep at all the entire night focus in editing my manuscript.

Honestly I was so worry that power outage may happen due to the heavy snow storm. It is actually weird, as during my 3.5 years in Brookings South Dakota, winter storm never make me worry about the power outage. But DC and surrounding, including College Park, is unique, though it is very close to the capitol of US, but I have the feeling that in handling heavy snow, the state government doesn't act as perfect as my small town in the middle of nowhere.

Morning view in front of my house

After the thrilling moments through the entire night, finally at 9am the next day, I did complete my manuscript and submit it out through email.

The view above is the morning view when I went out to check the snow. The storm had passed and left piles of snow. All are white, so beautiful and peaceful. Thanks God, no power outage interrupted my important work. and I'm done!