When guilt comes on a piece of happiness

Today is Friday, the first Friday night of 2013. I am now so tired after spending a long struggling day on my work. It’s a pretty productive day though, and I'm glad to feel this way. I am now so contented and restful, sitting under my blanket, next to a cup of hot tea, and listening to music. Ssstttt listen, just close your eyes and go along with me to enjoy this music, very beautiful, isn’t it?; especially when you are in the middle of the night, tired, but contented though far away from home, just like me.

I've been thinking
I've been thinking I've been thinking too much
I just want to live now for a little while
And cast my dreams to the wind
Don't wanna wonder
Don't wanna wonder what it's all about
I'm just working for a living, singing with my friends
As I cast my dreams to the wind

Well, actually I mostly feel a bit of guilt when the day is heading to a weekend, just like this night. Why? Honestly a weekend is a good time to enjoy the city life and I realized that DC is a place where most people wanna be, either for living or just for short visit (come on, don’t be hesitate to admit this?!). And look at me, I am here, at Maryland, just next to DC, so should take a benefit of this geographical advantage. Then, I feel bit guilty to lock up myself on my work when many others wanna be here for fun.

In fact, most of the times I truly can’t go for fun! Yes true, there will be nobody complaint about my progress except myself, but three days from now I will end my fourth year of my study, and I haven’t yet done! I do nervous about entering my fifth year of study, OMG. In this point, I can’t feel the passion and happiness of being here anymore.

Maryland, I'm coming home
Never worry about what I did wrong
But I will sing
La la la la la la la la... 

It was fine when I was living in South Dakota; coz there was nothing to enjoy except sitting and putting lots of effort on the work. Life over there is so simple, you can be happy just by sitting at work. Why, because no disruption and you focus on your work. That was the only thing you can do, and even if you went out for fun, it won’t take much time, you will be back to the office as soon as you depart. It’s a small town, what do you expect?

But believe me. I was so happy with that situation, no guilt at all. I even happier when the weather went bad and I can’t go anywhere except staying at the office, working. But, here the guilt start grows more when coming into weekend and the weather is good, as always.

I wanna fly
I wanna fly down the highway to my home away from home
This funky funky club on Fairfax Avenue to see you
I'll never give up
Because what is there to give up anyway

Oh believe me; I miss the feeling of enjoying the emptiness of my old office up north at night. Miss all the time of having no guilt feeling for locking up myself at work.

In Maryland it's raining somewhere in some cafe
Maryland, I'm coming home
Never worry about what I did wrong

But I can sing
La la la la la la la la...